Hey there, anon. I feel you here - knowing you’re a lesbian but being unable to fully accept it in yourself is one of the most difficult things. It’s like knowing you want a piece of pie but that voice in the back of your head keeps telling you you shouldn’t have it. The thing is, the very best thing for you right now is that piece of pie, so what we’ve got to do is silence that voice by concentrating on how wonderful that pie is any way we can.
One of the best ways to do so is to step into the pool of lesbianism any way you feel comfortable. I’ve found reading about lesbians - like reading about Sally Ride, or an interview with contemporary lesbians like Ellen Page or Alison Bechdel. Seeing how these women have lived their lives, conquered opposition, and created happiness for themselves is so comforting. If you’re looking for images of lesbians existing as their natural selves, the BUTCH project by Meg Allen provides a lovely and inspiring collection of photographs.
A good lesbian movie can help too. Better than Chocolate, Carol, All About E, Saving Face, Cloudburst, Tipping the Velvet, Fingersmith and The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love all have positive endings.
If you like reading, Tipping the Velvet and Fingersmith are both great books by Sarah Waters, a lesbian author (she has many books but those are the two I’m familiar with.) Alison Bechdel’s comic Dykes to Watch Out For is also classic.
If you’re creative yourself, I’ve found nothing has helped me more than *writing* about lesbians myself. Write the perfect lesbian romance as it comes to YOU, your own private lesbian world that no one else has to see or influence. Just put yourself - or your characters - in a perfect lesbian situation and let yourself enjoy it. If you can draw, draw the lesbian looks you love. This is all for you - no one else has to ever even know you created it - just give yourself a place to indulge without fear.
Lastly, try to form connections - even just through following tumblrs - with lesbians you relate to. Lesbians come in all different flavors and personalities, but so often we share common experiences, and you’ll find those you can share stories and feelings with. Nothing is more comforting than knowing you are not alone.
That’s really the key to all these things, whether it’s books or movies or real people - you are not alone. You are not alone in being a lesbian, and you are not alone in struggling with internalized lesbophobia. As best you can, surround yourself with things that celebrate not just your own self, but the deep history of women and lesbians throughout humanity.
My favorite poem, by lesbian poet Mary Oliver:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
And Sappho:“You may forget but
let me tell you
this: someone in
some future time
will think of us.”
Followers, please feel free to add more.
stop celebrating………………accomplishments of women……in fields that literally hurt, murder and otherwise oppress women…….you are not feminist for flying a drone……or spilling 10 million oil barrels into the ocean…….or heading a company that pays their workers 2 dollars an hour…..or literally leading foreign invasion….like….you are just a capitalist
gay love is the purest thing in this entire world and i’m not just talking romantic gay love which is amazing and beautiful and revolutionary but i also mean just. the love gays have for other gays. and that connection you feel when you meet new people and find out they’re gay too. the love and support of the lgbt community is the most wonderful thing i’ve ever been a part of and i wouldn’t trade it for anything
(via lovelenaluthor)
me growing up: *looking at a womans nipples through her shirt* interesting…interesting…I’m straight
(Source: vladtheunfollower, via lesbiyaaas)
I’m not sure how many of you out there will see this but this message is for all my dear queer friends facing another holiday with their homophobic and malicious families.
I work in the service industry, as a waiter, at a very busy restaurant in The Disney area of Orlando, Florida. As you can imagine, I see thousands of guests during the holiday season, but none have stood out to me so much as the queer youth, ages 16-26. Their faces are unmistakable. And being queer myself there is an unspoken bond I strive to share with each of them. I go out of my way to pay more attention to them and find ways to try to cheer them up. Whatever I can do to wipe that look of misery from their poor faces. I use my tip money to give them a free dessert, things like that.
Tonight was especially hard. There was one boy who was at my table with his family. He reminded me so much of myself. He was wearing a Christmas sweater and he had obviously put a lot of time and effort into his appearance. Everytime I stopped by that table, I could hear his own family just laying into him. Ridiculing him. His dad called him a pussy, and The others at the table they… they just laughed… they thought it was hilarious. But if you could have seen the look on his face, it would have broke your heart; as it did mine.
This was just horrible. Later on before they left, I ran into him on the other side of the restaurant when I was bussing some tables and I stopped him. I told him that it may not be my place, but that he needed to know he deserved better. That he was worth something to the world. I told him that I knew his life would get better, and that if his family couldn’t appreciate him for who he was they were crazy.
He teared up and hugged me.
As I embraced this boy in my arms, he literally wept.
These fucking young queer kids just need someone to fucking care about them; To show them love and compassion. They need someone to care about them for who they are.
My heart is literally breaking for these kids.
If you find yourself to be one of these young adults facing such issues. Know that you are deeply and truly loved. It may not mean much but I love you. And you are valid and real and you are worth something to the world.
Gay, lesbian, bi, trans… however you identify as, it doesn’t matter. You are valid.
My inbox is open. I will make time for you. I will be your friend. I will remind you of your worth. And not because I ascribe it to you. But because you are of intrinsic value. You were born amazing.
Dont ever let anyone tell you differently.
(This is sorta assuming you know that she’s confirmed lez or bi, but even if you don’t know for sure, none of the following will be obtrusive or offensive. If she’s down she’ll realize what’s happening. If not you’ll just come off as nice and “easy to talk to”.)
And I know these are all pretty intuitive, but growing up as a girl in a male-/hetero centric world even today girls are socialized from birth to be passive and not make the first move. This makes dating girls hard because no ones willing to put herself out there. We just keep staring at each other hoping one of us will get up the guts to say something.
So here’s your primer on how to be the one to do that and make something happen with a girl you like
1. The first move: If you just plain don’t know the gal, but you like her look, make some innocuous eye contact. If she responds in any kind of positive way, just go over and introduce yourself. If you already know her just walk up and say hey.
2. Talking: Simple is best for introductions: “Hi, I’m so and so.” Or “I’m so bad so, we have X class together.” Hand shaking is a nice touch. Include some brief eye contact, maybe just a beat longer than normal, and a smile. This works best at an event where there is music, sports, a dog park, something to talk about. E.g. “What’s your dog’s name?” or “This is a great song.”
3. Eye contact: When talking to this lady, make eye contact while you two are talking. Eye contact says “trustworthy” and “good listener.” Try not to look away.
If no one is talking for a few seconds, maintain eye contact but only a beat longer than necessary. This is key. It says “I’m interested.” But don’t let it become a stare or it borders on creepiness.
4. Smile: A smile says friendly, approachable, nice, and it ups the comfort level. Smile when you’re talking and making the above eye contact. You don’t need to smile every second or it might look a little deranged, but make sure you don’t have a resting bitch face or scowl. School your features if necessary.
5. Compliments: These are good conversation starters and/or work them in later. Do not lead with the old “you have beautiful eyes” bullshit. A) it’s unoriginal, and B) it’s easy to sound creepy. In fact, at this stage do not make it about her physical appearance at all. Good things to compliment: t-shirt, bag, jewelry, accessories, hat, maybe hair if it’s an extra cool style, etc.
6. Attentiveness: All of the above combined should say “I’m completely present” and “I’m here with you.” But also consciously try to maintain presence of mind and focus on what *she’s* saying instead of planning a response in your head the whole time. Just respond naturally based on what she’s saying without overthinking it. You just need to be you, not some extra impressive version of yourself.
7. Innocuous touching: Once the conversation is going, and she says something you like or makes you laugh, very brief, light arm or shoulder touching will further show you’re interested. Keep it brief, 1 second or less. If you’re sitting, and things are comfortable, a light knee touch would be okay too. But nothing above the knee. The touches should be a brush or a light pat. Nothing too grabby. Eye contact while touching is a good idea, but again nothing where it’s like staring.
8. Initiating further contact; aka getting her digits: If this is someone you wouldn’t ordinarily see and don’t know when / if you’ll see again, you’ll need her phone number (or other contact info for some social media texting/chatting type app). A good way to initiate this is to say something like, “Hey do you like to text?” Or “Do you do whatsapp?” (Or some other platform). This is a little more suave than going straight to “Can I get your number?”
9. Initiating texting: A simple “what’s up?” Should suffice.
***
The great thing about all this simple stuff is that if the girl is straight, it will just come off as friendly, and it won’t seem creepy. You’ll know if she’s responsive in a flirtatious way (at the latest) once you start texting.
If she is gay/bi and has half a clue, she’ll respond in kind if interested and you can start upping the flirt game a little by lengthening the eye contact just a little, more innocuous touching, etc and gauge her response.
The key to gauging her responsiveness is being attentive.
Focus on her, not yourself. Women, all women - regardless of orientation - want to be heard, to be listened to, to have someone *there* with them. Someone truly present. Attention not in a clingy fawning-over kinda way but in a real way. This kind of attention builds trust, creates a comfort level.
What you want is for this young lady to feel good in your presence. That’s what she’ll remember when she’s at home: how good, safe, and listened-to she felt.
You don’t have to be perfect, or some arbitrary definition of “hot,” or anything else other than yourself to make this happen.
And if she’s not into you, so what? What have you really lost? Nothing. What have you risked? Nothing. Consider it practice for meeting the next lady who interests you.
Good luck, my little friends.
If I get a lot of response/reblog on this I’ll write one about asking girls out.
Reblog to save a life.
(via wlwpositivity)
